What's the difference between an onion and a bodhran?
No one cries when they chop up a bodhran.
What's the difference between a mandolin and a mandola?
A mandola takes longer to burn.
Lost in the woods you meet a good whistle player, a bad whistle player and a pink elephant. Who do you ask for directions?
The bad whistle player. The others are just figments of your imagination.
How can you tell if a bodhran player is standing on the level?
He dribbles from both sides of his mouth.
How do you tell if a guitarist is lying?
His lips move.
Driving down a busy High Street you have to swerve to avoid hitting either a melodeon player or a morris dancer. Which do you hit?
The melodeon player - business before pleasure.
What's the difference between a banjo and a Harley Davidson?
You can tune a Harley Davidson.
How many banjo players does it take to eat a rabbit?
Two - one to eat, one to watch for cars coming.
How many fiddle players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it and another five doing it faster.
What's big and yellow and looks good in a banjo shop?
A JCB.
What the difference between banjos and piles?
Not every arsehole gets piles.
Why is premature ejaculation like a morris display?
You know it's coming but nothing you can do will stop it.
What do you call four melodeon players in a Metro going over a cliff?
A waste. Could've got two more in.
How many banjo players do you need to tile a bathroom?
Only one if you slice him thin enough.
What does a melodeon player use for contraception?
His personality.
How do you keep you fiddle from being stolen?
Keep it in a banjo case.
You can always tell a guitarist.
You just can't tell him much.
