In fact, the clarinet, invented by the devil in 1706. J C Denner, who was commissioned with the actual manufacture of this beast promptly died. The first serious work for the instrument was composed by Jean Adam Joseph Faber a Belgian (need I say more?), who immediately tried to save himself by giving up musical endeavours and started publishing books. Finally I should add that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart completed his clarinet concerto in September 1791 and promptly contracted typhoid and died two months later.

The popularity of the clarinet arose because it lent people the hope that they might be able to have soul and play the blues. This is patently untrue on two counts, first although the clarinet lent hope, it soon took it back and used it for it's own more satanic purposes. Second, just read the small print on your receipt - you'll realise that when you bought your clarinet you handed over your soul along with the credit card.

So if you have a clarinet, here is Dr Borinson's advice: Burn it, bury it and forget it.