r Borinson's Penultimate Guide To Folk Scene News
- British Folk Exodus
- Borinson Allegations
- Spice Trad Song Silenced
- Apology
- Setback For Rock Ambitions
In the aftermath of the general election it has become apparent that many renowned folk artists have left, or are planning to leave Britain. It's not that they object to the Labour government, it's just that having complained about the Tories for so long now that they've gone there's nothing much they can object to without being called hypocrites.
Dr Borinson has decided to take the risk and stay. This is partly because he's got a bet running on whether Cheri Blair's face will finally crack up with all that smiling or she'll just crack up. The other part of the reason is that there's no point in protecting your money in a tax haven if you haven't got any.
It has come to my attention that allegations have been made by certain parties that Dr Borinson is just a sad, bitter and twisted, cynical old man. I would just like to say that these comments have greatly upset me. they are unnecessary and hurtful. It's not that I deny them you understand, just that I was hoping to keep it secret until it didn't matter about the bald patch anymore 'cos it doesn't show when your hair is white.
Anyway, if you'd had to listen to as many bad versions of "And the band played Waltzing Matilda" and Richard Thompson covers as I have, you'd be very sad, bitter and twisted, and cynical too.
Plans by the Spice Girls to cover the traditional song "I Am A Maid That's Deep In Love" were abandoned in a recording session earlier this week when someone told them what the word "maid" actually meant. Earlier rumours had suggested that the reason had been that songsmiths Stock, Waterson and Carthy had vetoed the recording on the grounds that they wouldn't get any royalties were described as rubbish. (Well, something was described as rubbish...I can't remember exactly what, or by whom.)
Dr Borinson would like to apologise formally to all masochists about the comments made about this majority, sorry minority group elsewhere in these pages. The article was not intended to offend or denigrate or upset any masochists. When I get the time I'll rewrite it and ensure that it does.
The commission ruled that the complaint was upheld (well, something was upheld...I can't remember exactly what.... or by whom).
In an announcement made today we report that Dr Borinson, the self styled "Dr Rock" is recovering from a major setback in his attempt to gain world domination of the rock music scene. Dr Borinson, whose moves to gain fame and wealth in the world of drugs, sex and rock and roll, suffered a terrible misfortune. "I couldn't stand the jeers and taunts," he said, "so I just waded in there, and to my utter shock, discovered I could swim."
The revelation means that Borinson will now have to try much harder to made himself a legend in his own rehearsal room. The events precipitating this are unclear, but have deprived him of all the most fashionable ways of achieving the much coveted status of "legend". It is thought by some observers that he attempted to copy Lord Byron (following the unhallowed footsteps of Jarvis Cocker). Other stars, including Elton Gonn and Stung as well as Mick Taker of the Bowling Drones rushed to his side to join Dr Borinson's laments, but he was unconsolable (or was it unmusical? well it was something with an "un" in it. I can't remember exactly what).